As my birthday is just around the corner my friends have started asking me about their treat...
To a few I have told straight that I am not giving it this year, for others I have made lame excuses that I am going out with someone special and don’t want them anywhere around and there’s another bunch for whom I am still looking for a reason ,an excuse...
Many people will accuse me of getting into ALIGARIAN skin as I am running away from expenditure but that’s not the reason...the reason is entirely different...
I was 3rd of Jan this year. We all had our community medicine final practicals. We were taken to RHTC, Jawan for case studies. The patient I got was Khushnoodi Begum. It was a fine morning and everything seemed to be going well because I never knew that she was gonna change me forever...
I took the medico-social history...when I asked about her monthly expenditure she said she spent Rs 500/= per month...I didn’t believe her....I got more into her, asking more questions but at last she completely convinced me that it was that much only...
That’s the moment when out of a sudden my last birthday party flashed to my mind. My parents gave me around 2000 buck and I spent it all in a single evening, in a single shot...it was her 4 month of livelihood...
She looked very thin. Probably she starved sometimes. All those times when I was spending money like a nerd...
Since that day I had never been on any party cause her face just flashes back and the food is no more palatable. This year I am keen to use all the money I get more intelligently... Probably this will keep me off the guilt conscience later in my life and more importantly after my death...That’s all about it friends straight from my heart...!!!!!!!!
If you believe it that’s good...but if you don’t...ya I will be a bit disappointed but I will not CHANGE my decision...and I am not sorry...
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
BORDERS
As a student one of my finest memories before admission to JNMCH was that now I will get a chance to have friends in whole country...real friends in person and not just internet buddies...well when I got selected and was packing my stuff to move here the first thing my brother (who was already studying here) told me was that in Aligarh I will feel a demarcation between internal and external...and that I should mingle with the externals...So that’s how it began...
I had been never exposed to any such thing before and I don’t listen to my brother that much either...I was confident that I can make my own decision so ignoring everything I moved on...the examination day was a blur, there were rains, students everywhere, I and my dad got particularly mingled with a kashmiri family and we completed our formalities together...I was very happy...my friend list just started and the first person kashmiri...COOL !!!!!
My room in hostel was a mix of cultures... me typical UPite, one Bengali, one Bihari and one Singapore resident...I was happy again ...everything so perfect...time passed and I noticed that the word BIHARI was taken as a disadvantage...even people belonging to Bihar didn’t liked to be called that...and you were referred as bihari when actually you did something stupid...then there was another gang...KASHMIRI...Indians called them Pakistani...they called themselves free...they all always stayed together... and were so close to each other that at times you felt alienated...then comes mallu and chinki and Bengali and so on...even UP was not a single lobby...UP east UP west etc...etc...etc...
These things never ended...we were supposed to vote for people who belonged to our areas, people near or close to our homeland did us favours, asking allotment of only people of a particular place in a room...etc... etc... etc...
Really I had never realised that being born somewhere was my advantage, my identity...not what the person I am...being a UPite I was perceived as cunning and not trustworthy (one of my seniors told me that initially she thought I was cunning but with time I have proved to be quite the contrary with time)
I thought that the borders were only for well functioning of the country...I believed all the states to be pieces of a jigsaw puzzle which is incomplete without each other...but the borders are actually dividing us somewhere...and when generation Y thinks like that, it’s disappointing...how can you expect something out of a person who actually believes in such BULLSHIT...are we developing...we are becoming retards actually...
As far as I have experienced...BIHARIS who are supposed to be stupid and foolish are the most laborious, simple and trustworthy people I have ever met...if they are down to earth, they are not stupid...they are actually great...
And KASHMIRIS who are supposed to be back stabbers and mean are actually the most intelligent, most beautiful and so charismatic that all u can do is to feel jealous of them...they are great as friends , cool compatible and great...
BENGALIS are as sweet as rosogolla, easygoing and fun to be with...MALLU the cutest of all, no problem kind of people...I have no friend form northeast but I am sure they too must be wonderful...and lastly UPites too are not cheaters...
I believe that those people who say this, believe this are weak morally crippled... when they know that someone is better than then in any or many aspect they start ABUSING...I just wish that they use all this energy on themselves...they would turn into a new leaf...
So I am still struggling for a solution how to erase these borders...my honourable vice-chancellor tried by not allotting 2 people of same place in a room...yes it did worked to an extent...but what we need is something more substantial...some thorough self assessment kind of stuff...
So did my tryst to have at least one friend in every state ended...yes to an extent...well I had tried to be compatible...never taken these borders on my soul...initially it did hurt when they didn’t reciprocated...but with time they have changed...after all they all were going through the same conflict that I had been through...I now talk with everyone...help them when they need... and don’t expect anything back...the last line is the most important one....believe me because life is always not as you expect it to be, it turns out even better...
I had been never exposed to any such thing before and I don’t listen to my brother that much either...I was confident that I can make my own decision so ignoring everything I moved on...the examination day was a blur, there were rains, students everywhere, I and my dad got particularly mingled with a kashmiri family and we completed our formalities together...I was very happy...my friend list just started and the first person kashmiri...COOL !!!!!
My room in hostel was a mix of cultures... me typical UPite, one Bengali, one Bihari and one Singapore resident...I was happy again ...everything so perfect...time passed and I noticed that the word BIHARI was taken as a disadvantage...even people belonging to Bihar didn’t liked to be called that...and you were referred as bihari when actually you did something stupid...then there was another gang...KASHMIRI...Indians called them Pakistani...they called themselves free...they all always stayed together... and were so close to each other that at times you felt alienated...then comes mallu and chinki and Bengali and so on...even UP was not a single lobby...UP east UP west etc...etc...etc...
These things never ended...we were supposed to vote for people who belonged to our areas, people near or close to our homeland did us favours, asking allotment of only people of a particular place in a room...etc... etc... etc...
Really I had never realised that being born somewhere was my advantage, my identity...not what the person I am...being a UPite I was perceived as cunning and not trustworthy (one of my seniors told me that initially she thought I was cunning but with time I have proved to be quite the contrary with time)
I thought that the borders were only for well functioning of the country...I believed all the states to be pieces of a jigsaw puzzle which is incomplete without each other...but the borders are actually dividing us somewhere...and when generation Y thinks like that, it’s disappointing...how can you expect something out of a person who actually believes in such BULLSHIT...are we developing...we are becoming retards actually...
As far as I have experienced...BIHARIS who are supposed to be stupid and foolish are the most laborious, simple and trustworthy people I have ever met...if they are down to earth, they are not stupid...they are actually great...
And KASHMIRIS who are supposed to be back stabbers and mean are actually the most intelligent, most beautiful and so charismatic that all u can do is to feel jealous of them...they are great as friends , cool compatible and great...
BENGALIS are as sweet as rosogolla, easygoing and fun to be with...MALLU the cutest of all, no problem kind of people...I have no friend form northeast but I am sure they too must be wonderful...and lastly UPites too are not cheaters...
I believe that those people who say this, believe this are weak morally crippled... when they know that someone is better than then in any or many aspect they start ABUSING...I just wish that they use all this energy on themselves...they would turn into a new leaf...
So I am still struggling for a solution how to erase these borders...my honourable vice-chancellor tried by not allotting 2 people of same place in a room...yes it did worked to an extent...but what we need is something more substantial...some thorough self assessment kind of stuff...
So did my tryst to have at least one friend in every state ended...yes to an extent...well I had tried to be compatible...never taken these borders on my soul...initially it did hurt when they didn’t reciprocated...but with time they have changed...after all they all were going through the same conflict that I had been through...I now talk with everyone...help them when they need... and don’t expect anything back...the last line is the most important one....believe me because life is always not as you expect it to be, it turns out even better...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Ragging
This is a hot topic these days ...T.V. and newspapers are flourished with articles against ragging...so my little experience about this big word...
When I was a fresher I was too scared about it but in JNMCH this came out to be the most beautiful and most memorable days of my life...
We as freshers were supposed to greet all our seniors with SALAM, we were not allowed to stare at their faces and we were restricted of some recreational areas of the college...sometimes they would stop us and ask us general questions about us...we were supposed to refer all our seniors by SIR / MAM and that’s all...now does that sounds like ragging...no ...not even a bit...it was the healthiest form of interaction possible between the seniors and new students like us...we called it INTRODUCTION...
Since the laws against ragging became strict, our college was the first one to implement...now the days have changed and what lies is a communication gap, an identity gap between seniors and juniors... I don’t recognise most of my juniors...many juniors call me by the name...some even dare to pass comments...now what do you call this...I call it RAGGED BEHAVIOUR...
I might not be in the good books of all my seniors but truly they ALL are in my good books...I feel thankful for them to make me feel like studying in college...hope you all always be my senior forever...at least in my memories you all will be the most wonderful persons I have ever met...
When I was a fresher I was too scared about it but in JNMCH this came out to be the most beautiful and most memorable days of my life...
We as freshers were supposed to greet all our seniors with SALAM, we were not allowed to stare at their faces and we were restricted of some recreational areas of the college...sometimes they would stop us and ask us general questions about us...we were supposed to refer all our seniors by SIR / MAM and that’s all...now does that sounds like ragging...no ...not even a bit...it was the healthiest form of interaction possible between the seniors and new students like us...we called it INTRODUCTION...
Since the laws against ragging became strict, our college was the first one to implement...now the days have changed and what lies is a communication gap, an identity gap between seniors and juniors... I don’t recognise most of my juniors...many juniors call me by the name...some even dare to pass comments...now what do you call this...I call it RAGGED BEHAVIOUR...
I might not be in the good books of all my seniors but truly they ALL are in my good books...I feel thankful for them to make me feel like studying in college...hope you all always be my senior forever...at least in my memories you all will be the most wonderful persons I have ever met...
Monday, March 16, 2009
SORRY
“It’s very easy to hurt someone but to say sorry you need a lot of strength..........”
I am sure you must have heard this quite very often....but I have been through this....well let me count....I must have used this word thousands of time in JNMCH but two incidents stand out...
The first one happened with one of my teachers...
I was young and naive (but this is no excuse)...one of my very honourable senior told me wrong things about this teacher of mine...and young as, I was I took it to be true (this is how rumours spread in JNMCH)...and just once when he was scolding me about the right thing, I sort of lost my temper...he was far too composed to react ...that day just passed but after this we kind of avoided each-other...
Later probably after 6 months he was the one to stand up and help me when no one else was there to help...without a question, or any grimace of the past....I had never felt so small in my life...the next day I tracked him down, said sorry to him, I don’t know if he believed me or not...but I meant it sir...with all my heart...
The second one is more serious one...I mean it took me 3 years to say that word...it’s not like that I didn’t realised my mistake...yes but I was too weak to say it...ego man...what else...
This happened with one of my seniors...and the stimulus here was again a rumour...someone (who is his friend ) told me that he is speaking shit about me...then one day something happened between him and my friend (as she referred herself then) and she said that she was held and hurt because of me as he didn’t liked me...that lighted the fire...another fight... just the interesting part is that throughout the fight I was the only one speaking nonstop...he just stood there and listened...didn’t shouted back at me at all...at that time I thought I had won but later I realised what I actually had lost...
It took me a week to realise my mistake...and another 3 years to look for ways how to actually say it...god it’s so difficult...finally got a chance and said it all...I am still not sure that it worked...sometimes everything seems all right other time, it’s like nothing has changed at all...
So the million dollar question is that how to actually make people believe that you are sorry...I have no answer for that...all I can wish is that someday god gives me the opportunity to pay them back...just one ...even if its small and I’m sure I will make them realise that I just didn’t said sorry...I meant it...from the core of my heart...
Mariam Shadan
MBBS 2k5
JNMCH, Aligarh
I am sure you must have heard this quite very often....but I have been through this....well let me count....I must have used this word thousands of time in JNMCH but two incidents stand out...
The first one happened with one of my teachers...
I was young and naive (but this is no excuse)...one of my very honourable senior told me wrong things about this teacher of mine...and young as, I was I took it to be true (this is how rumours spread in JNMCH)...and just once when he was scolding me about the right thing, I sort of lost my temper...he was far too composed to react ...that day just passed but after this we kind of avoided each-other...
Later probably after 6 months he was the one to stand up and help me when no one else was there to help...without a question, or any grimace of the past....I had never felt so small in my life...the next day I tracked him down, said sorry to him, I don’t know if he believed me or not...but I meant it sir...with all my heart...
The second one is more serious one...I mean it took me 3 years to say that word...it’s not like that I didn’t realised my mistake...yes but I was too weak to say it...ego man...what else...
This happened with one of my seniors...and the stimulus here was again a rumour...someone (who is his friend ) told me that he is speaking shit about me...then one day something happened between him and my friend (as she referred herself then) and she said that she was held and hurt because of me as he didn’t liked me...that lighted the fire...another fight... just the interesting part is that throughout the fight I was the only one speaking nonstop...he just stood there and listened...didn’t shouted back at me at all...at that time I thought I had won but later I realised what I actually had lost...
It took me a week to realise my mistake...and another 3 years to look for ways how to actually say it...god it’s so difficult...finally got a chance and said it all...I am still not sure that it worked...sometimes everything seems all right other time, it’s like nothing has changed at all...
So the million dollar question is that how to actually make people believe that you are sorry...I have no answer for that...all I can wish is that someday god gives me the opportunity to pay them back...just one ...even if its small and I’m sure I will make them realise that I just didn’t said sorry...I meant it...from the core of my heart...
Mariam Shadan
MBBS 2k5
JNMCH, Aligarh
Saturday, March 14, 2009
HUMANITY
Why does sometimes it seem that the world is impossible...Why sometimes people can’t see what you see...Is it because that they are blind or because you are having delusions...or just because the world is like that................
I was walking to my wards for duties and ran into one of my classmates...he asked about the first class...actually I myself wanted him to ask...I told him that I missed it as could not sleep the previous night...when he asked the reason I told him that I saw a documentary about ABU GHARIB prison and that was enough to take my sleep...
As I said this he reacted pretending to be cool that he was not affected by any such things...he was far too strong for that...I thought he said so because he thought that it would impress me...Instead he made me feel disgusted...
If a man is in pain and we feel his pain...is that weakness...?
If we see someone suffering and decide to raise voice for him, be it anyone...Is it social work...?
I disagree....to feel someone’s pain is not weakness but humanity...to help someone is not social work but it’s that what we humans are supposed to do...call it human work...!!!
As a Muslim I don’t believe in Darwin’s theory of origin of man...but as a medical student I do believe that environment has an effect on our genetic makeup...and possibly that is the reason why now-a-days feelings that are so very human are regarded as WEAKNESS or SOCIAL WORK...
Even animals can think for themselves, look for their food and shelter...if we actually claim to be humans there ought to be some difference...we got to start behaving like humans before it’s too late...too late to begin again...
Mariam Shadan
MBBS 2K5
JNMCH, Aligarh
I was walking to my wards for duties and ran into one of my classmates...he asked about the first class...actually I myself wanted him to ask...I told him that I missed it as could not sleep the previous night...when he asked the reason I told him that I saw a documentary about ABU GHARIB prison and that was enough to take my sleep...
As I said this he reacted pretending to be cool that he was not affected by any such things...he was far too strong for that...I thought he said so because he thought that it would impress me...Instead he made me feel disgusted...
If a man is in pain and we feel his pain...is that weakness...?
If we see someone suffering and decide to raise voice for him, be it anyone...Is it social work...?
I disagree....to feel someone’s pain is not weakness but humanity...to help someone is not social work but it’s that what we humans are supposed to do...call it human work...!!!
As a Muslim I don’t believe in Darwin’s theory of origin of man...but as a medical student I do believe that environment has an effect on our genetic makeup...and possibly that is the reason why now-a-days feelings that are so very human are regarded as WEAKNESS or SOCIAL WORK...
Even animals can think for themselves, look for their food and shelter...if we actually claim to be humans there ought to be some difference...we got to start behaving like humans before it’s too late...too late to begin again...
Mariam Shadan
MBBS 2K5
JNMCH, Aligarh
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
