SORRY

“It’s very easy to hurt someone but to say sorry you need a lot of strength..........”
I am sure you must have heard this quite very often....but I have been through this....well let me count....I must have used this word thousands of time in JNMCH but two incidents stand out...
The first one happened with one of my teachers...
I was young and naive (but this is no excuse)...one of my very honourable senior told me wrong things about this teacher of mine...and young as, I was I took it to be true (this is how rumours spread in JNMCH)...and just once when he was scolding me about the right thing, I sort of lost my temper...he was far too composed to react ...that day just passed but after this we kind of avoided each-other...
Later probably after 6 months he was the one to stand up and help me when no one else was there to help...without a question, or any grimace of the past....I had never felt so small in my life...the next day I tracked him down, said sorry to him, I don’t know if he believed me or not...but I meant it sir...with all my heart...

The second one is more serious one...I mean it took me 3 years to say that word...it’s not like that I didn’t realised my mistake...yes but I was too weak to say it...ego man...what else...
This happened with one of my seniors...and the stimulus here was again a rumour...someone (who is his friend ) told me that he is speaking shit about me...then one day something happened between him and my friend (as she referred herself then) and she said that she was held and hurt because of me as he didn’t liked me...that lighted the fire...another fight... just the interesting part is that throughout the fight I was the only one speaking nonstop...he just stood there and listened...didn’t shouted back at me at all...at that time I thought I had won but later I realised what I actually had lost...
It took me a week to realise my mistake...and another 3 years to look for ways how to actually say it...god it’s so difficult...finally got a chance and said it all...I am still not sure that it worked...sometimes everything seems all right other time, it’s like nothing has changed at all...

So the million dollar question is that how to actually make people believe that you are sorry...I have no answer for that...all I can wish is that someday god gives me the opportunity to pay them back...just one ...even if its small and I’m sure I will make them realise that I just didn’t said sorry...I meant it...from the core of my heart...

Mariam Shadan
MBBS 2k5
JNMCH, Aligarh